It was a warm summer morning and we were playing a match against a neighbouring team in a club hurling league match. I was playing wing back and marking a lad called Titch, he was wearing the number 12 jersey. In the middle of the match I shouldered Titch and then he turned around and punched me in the face. I felt my blood boil all of my energy went to my fist as it clenched tighter... but should I really do this?...BAM!!! SMACK!!! CRUNCH!!! A shriek came from the blue micro helmet ... and it wasn’t me
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In all my years in Gowran, James, I have had many a story on hurling... as you can imagine! This is by far the most creative and entertaining! The naming of the other player as 'Titch' gave me the first clue that this story would build into something worth reading! The instant reaction of the punch was jolting... and it is where you took the reader next that took the story to the next level! You slowed the story down, relayed how you felt physically 'I felt my blood boil', 'All of my energy went into my fist' and the visual of 'as it clenched tighter'. The note of thought as you pondered your options gave the reader the knowledge that you recognised that you had a choice. In the use of onomatopoeia to demonstrate your response, you avoided returning to words like 'punch/hit' and in doing so, allowed the reader some humour! Your use of the work 'shriek' and the phrase '... and it wasn't me' was just brilliant, as the reader could instead interpret your words rather than just tell them straight. Another excellent story, James! Your personality shines through in your writing, making it a very enjoyable read, for all ages! Well done, James! Your comment will be posted after it is approved.
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