We disappeared into the night as we were walking and talking. At first it had sounded like a great idea to scare people at the graveyard. But should I really be doing this?? An eerie feeling came over me as I entered. The icy wind was blowing the golden leaves from the trees. I heaved from the stale odour. Was it the decomposing leaves on the ground or was it coming from the open tombstone right in front of me? I could suddenly hear movement behind me. "I'm going to kill you" screeched a shrilling voice. I turned around in fear...it was my mother!
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A terrific story, Ella! I felt every sensation of the character... 'eerie feeling' gave me a creepy feeling! The 'icy wind' made me shiver. The heaving from the 'stale odour' gave me cause to breathe in the fresh air around me! The sensation of being startled by the sudden movement and the 'screeching' voice made by put my hands to my ears! As a reader, you have left me with a strong curiousity!! Does the story end with the mother uttering that phrase out of frustration that the daughter left the house at night? Or something more sinister??! A brilliantly written story from a very talented writer, Ella! I know you put so much into the drafting and redrafting of this story and it really shows. Well done, Ella! Your comment will be posted after it is approved.
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