The deafening screams echoed through the cold night... as I crept closer the screams got louder. They were definitely coming from Mrs Meany's dilapidated cottage. I could see a whisper of smoke coming from the old chimney pot. The only other thing that I could see was old Mrs Meany's wrinkled hand leaning on the railing. My heart was thumping so loud that I was almost certain she herself could hear it. She turned around swiftly as if she had. "Come in and save him child!" she said in her shaky voice."No..I'm scared...Save who?" I managed to say. "The fox, you silly girl, he is caught in the barbed wire " was Mrs Meany's reply.
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Wow Ella! A brave move, leading with the dramatic prompt. It risked having the story fall flat after the energy of the first sentence... but in your skillful hands, you sustain the reader's attention and develop the reader's curiousity right to the concluding sentence! You character development is just brilliant... after several reads of the story, I interpret the personality of Mrs. Meany differently... 'wrinkled hand' and 'shaky voice' suggest frality but 'she turned around swiftly' and 'you silly girl' suggests a more robust and potentially sinister character. That and the fact that a fox doesn't scream leads me to infer that Mrs. Meany is no ordinary pensioner! Another super story Ella, I'll be pondering on the potential endings of this story for a while!! Well done! Your comment will be posted after it is approved.
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