I walked leisurely along the river bank. The evening sun cast shadows of me onto the river. I loved this place, it was perfect. The barking of a dog broke the silence of the evening. I could see him pacing over and back. Whinning and whimpering. His body trembling. Something was wrong. Something was very wrong. I could feel the anxiety starting in my fingertips, The goosebumps were rising on my bare arms. Nervously I ran over to him. In horror, I realised his little pup was dangling from a small wispy branch. I reached in and cradled him... The evening returned to being perfect.
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Another display of your impressive writing talent, Ella! Your story shows your super command of engaging the reader's attention with so many writing skills! Your phrases are terrific... 'the evening sun cast shadows of me over the river'; 'The barking of a dog broke the silence of the evening'... and so many more! I loved how you showed the reader your nervousness with 'The goosebumps were rising on my bare arms'. Your language is so rich and provides the reader with the sense of actually experiencing what the main character is experiencing rather than just a passive eye witness. Your choice of the word 'cradled' was super as it created an atmosphere of love and affection rather than just an action.
Mrs Moore Team 100 London UK
1/6/2020 10:19:48 am
Hi Ella, Your comment will be posted after it is approved.
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