Lily had just moved into her new home. It was old and torn down. However, Lily wanted to make a beautiful home out of it. As the leaves blew in from the sky onto a chair that had an old box on it, Lily went to take a look. There was a raccoon in the box! Lily screamed! She rang the estate agent to complain that the house was so ugly and that she had even found a raccoon living there! She said the house was for sale once again so the estate agent bought it back. Lily moved out immediately and into a beautiful home!
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A great story, Caoimhe! I felt that Lily was quite naive and had a romantic view of what she was buying but that the reality set in with the raccoon living there and frightening the life out of her!! One skill that separates good writers from great writers is the trust in the reader to read with intelligence... not just to tell them everything directly. I feel you did this really well with the line 'As the leaves blew in from the sky onto a chair...' In other words, there was a large hole in the roof! Your comment will be posted after it is approved.
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